Why Do Some People Easily Adapt While Others Don't? with Jessica Stephens

Ever felt like you're playing it safe, sticking to what you know instead of stepping out of your comfort zone? Prepare to have your perceptions challenged! This week, Jennifer Arvin Furlong speaks with Jessica Stephens, a corporate marketer turned social marketer and podcast host. Jessica's story of transformation, from mastering networking to creating impactful connections, redefines the concept of personal power and provides invaluable insights into harnessing collective action for achieving shared goals.

From starting her own podcast to being a social marketer, Jessica's journey is all about empowering individuals. She shares her wisdom on how to become a social marketer and the role social media plays in expanding networks, her lessons learned from difficult times, and the importance of resilience, empathy, and gratitude. Get ready to be inspired by Jessica's conviction in the power of collective action and personal transformation.

Learn more about Jessica and check out her podcast at https://jessicastephens.ca/

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

when you help somebody see how important they are, not only to their their own life but to this society and this you know planet and in the community. That's when you get a volunteer army. You have a volunteer army, all working towards the same thing.

Speaker 2: 0:19

You're unstoppable Now. Isn't that a compelling way to harness the power of collective action? My guess this week is Jessica Stevens. She knows all about the magic of instilling importance in others if you want to work toward a common goal. A corporate marketer turned social marketer and podcast host, jessica is a master networker and connector, helping to pair people with others and opportunities. We talked about all kinds of stuff like the importance of loving your life, showing up for yourself, being your own best friend and believing that, despite whatever life throws at you, you can figure it out. If you're looking for some inspiration today, you have come to the right place and I am so glad you're here. Keep listening.

Speaker 2: 1:21

Welcome to the Communication 24-7 podcast, where we communicate about how we communicate. I'm your host, jennifer Furlong. All right, this morning we have a very special treat this guest. I've been a guest on her show and this is why I'm so excited to have her on my show, because I got to tell you the way she is able to communicate with you and help you feel confident and comfortable in being vulnerable and sharing your stories. It's like a masterclass in having a really good conversation.

Speaker 2: 2:07

I have Jessica Stevens here with us and she is a marketer, she's a podcaster, she's a facilitator and a speaker. She talks about all kinds of great stuff and I got to tell you her podcast is called I Just Blank Now what, which I think is brilliant, because who out of all of us have never had that experience where just something exploded, something went wrong, something just happened, where it was like, oh shit, literally now what? Jessica, thank you so much for being a guest on the show. I am super excited to have this conversation and I'm excited that our listeners get to listen to our conversation. The things that we're going to talk about today.

Speaker 1: 2:50

Good morning Jen. Oh, my goodness, I am so excited to be here with you. It is always so fun to be a guest on someone else's show and just show up and do the thing and not have to be the host, because we know how much work goes into hosting a show. It's always nice just to roll up to the microphone and pour my heart out and feed into someone else's community. I love that.

Speaker 2: 3:20

Yeah, yeah, and I'm hoping that you will feel just as comfortable pouring your heart out as I felt pouring my heart out, absolutely, I adore you, I adore you.

Speaker 1: 3:30

I adore you. We've had so many really great conversations already when we hit record and when we haven't been hitting record. I know today is just going to be another one of those great chats with a girlfriend.

Speaker 2: 3:42

Absolutely. Let's get the audience caught up, because you and I we've done this a time or two, so let's get the audience caught up on who you are. What has your journey been like? Take us back to the beginning. How did you? What was before you became a speaker and a facilitator and you started your podcast? Take us back to the beginning and tell us a little bit about your journey.

Speaker 1: 4:08

Absolutely. Hello everyone, my name is Jessica Stevens. Thank you so much for having me and filling your ears today with some knowledge. I always know that it's such a privilege to be on somebody's playlist and so I'm super grateful. A little bit about me. My background is in marketing and advertising. I had a 15-year career in that industry, but prior to getting into the ad industry which was not my intention, by the way I was a university student.

Speaker 1: 4:40

My university career started out in the sciences. I was an environmental science major. I wanted to be a marine biologist and save the fish and I was a scuba diver and loved all things like environment. I was that kid who was like recycling Nazi, like oh my God, you got to put it in the blue box and so I loved the planet. And so I ended up going into environmental science and university, which was a great program. But in the second year of university all environmental students had to go out into the environment and get to do a field placement.

Speaker 1: 5:17

And I'm a tropical girl, I'm a scuba diver, I love the ocean, I'm a fish kind of girl, like warm weather, and when I got my package in the summer between first and second year of where my field placement was going to be, I was like, oh no. So I had picked all the warm places like send me to the ocean. They wanted to send me to the Yukon to study snow. Oh no, and I was like, oh, that's not happening, that does not hurt me. I agree with you. This girl is not going to the Yukon, I am not studying snow. So I dropped out of environmental science.

Speaker 2: 5:53

Wow, it was that big of a deal. It was that big of a deal.

Speaker 1: 5:57

That is not me. And I moved over and became a communications major, okay, and my plan was to be a communicational therapist. I wanted to help people communicate better, so I took all the courses in semiotics and nonverbal communication and all of that good stuff with the intention that I would go on and do like the masters and all the things which I don't know why that became a thing for me, because I am not like a school girl Like I did. I do not enjoy school, I did not like school. So why I was like envisioning this the very long educational career is besides me but my dad worked in advertising, okay, he was a media planner and buyer and then the president of a media agency. And so when I was in university, I got a summer internship job at his ad agency, at the sister agency to his media agency, as a summer intern. So that was my first step into the advertising world.

Speaker 1: 7:02

And I went back for another summer and I moved into another department. So one summer I worked in finance, the next summer I worked in the PR department, the next summer I worked in the like, whatever. So I just kind of like bounced around this ad agency for four summers and then when I graduated they offered me a job.

Speaker 2: 7:21

Nice, nice. And you know, being a fresh graduate, you need to do the job.

Speaker 1: 7:28

And I'm like, oh okay, so I accidentally ended up in advertising, and then I spent 15 years there.

Speaker 2: 7:36

Wow, so you must have enjoyed it, though I mean 15 years, that's a pretty good chunk of time, a chunk of time to develop a career, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 7:44

You know to have that career path going.

Speaker 2: 7:46

So what did you enjoy about advertising? What were some of the things that really, you know, just brightened your day about that being in that industry?

Speaker 1: 7:55

So I was on the creative side. So, as I said, my dad worked on the media agency side. I was on the creative agency side when I got my first job there and I was the marketing and business development coordinator. That was my very first job and title, and so I was in the department that brought in new clients. That was our job. We were pitching new business and that is the lifeblood of any advertising agency. So that is where all the action is. That's where all the eyeballs are right.

Speaker 1: 8:22

All the senior executives are looking at this department like what are you guys doing when you know, bringing in clients? And I got to work with all the senior directors of all the different departments who would come in to be the pitch team, right. So I'm in a boardroom with all the VPs and whatever, and me, yeah, and I was a sponge. I was just like soaking up all the knowledge because this was a very highly coveted position. No, first year. You know, person in an ad agency is Robin Elbowls with the CEO, you know the managing directors and all those guys. Like I was, I had interact access to some senior senior people. So that was really exciting for me that I was in a position where I was learning more than my comrades who were in the cubicles next to me.

Speaker 2: 9:14

Yeah. Now I have a question about this because, you're right, not very many people coming right out of school are going to have this opportunity to be able to meet with the top level executives, you know, in any firm. What were some of the skills that you think you had either learned as a communication major or that you had learned to develop along the way in your studies that enabled you to be able to hold your own in that setting? Because I have to imagine that was very intimidating for a young person to be in the room with all of these top level executives who have already I mean, they've gotten to the top of the ladder as far as you're concerned. So how did you hold your own in those spaces? What were some of those skills that you feel enabled you to be successful in that position?

Speaker 1: 10:08

Fantastic question. I am a first generation Canadian. I was raised by immigrant parents who came to Canada to further their education and create a better life for their children, aka me. And so, as an immigrant, you know that there is a way in which you have to show up differently than your classmates or your peers. You have to be your best always, especially as a woman, also as a girl and a woman of color. So I'm like that trifecta person who how you show up is really, really important.

Speaker 2: 10:55

Yes.

Speaker 1: 10:55

And so I'm very grateful that as a child, my parents put me in dance classes, so I was, you know, a dancer from the ballet, dancer from the age of three all the way through university, so I was comfortable on a stage. Okay, I was piano lessons, like like all the things where you're gonna kind of thrown in these situations and you have to learn quickly. Yeah, so that definitely helped. I also have just been that kind of girl who, like here I am yeah.

Speaker 2: 11:33

You are, I will have to say. You are incredibly open and even though you and I have only had conversations through Zoom, right.

Speaker 2: 11:40

We've always had online conversations. Even through the camera, even through the screen, I get the feeling that you are just this open person and it's you know, it's your nonverbals, it's your body language, it's the smile that you bring, it's the light in your eyes, you know, I think a lot of people will underestimate just how, when you walk into a room and the first few seconds when somebody looks at you, whether we like it or not, you know we are being judged and there's a perception of how approachable you are and you come across as really approachable, somebody who, hey, I feel confident. I could come up to you and say hi, and it's not gonna be weird, it's not gonna be awkward, you're not gonna make me feel like, okay, why are you talking to me?

Speaker 1: 12:33

Yeah, I definitely give off that energy as much as I possibly can because I know what it feels like on the other side of not feeling welcomed, like in high school or in other situations where there's cliques where you don't like. I was able to assess really quickly am I gonna be welcomed in this group or am I not?

Speaker 1: 12:56

Mm, yeah, Right and so I always kind of make sure that if anyone else is scanning a room and they don't feel like they belong there, well then I'm gonna be that little light that says, oh, this is a safe space over here. Come hang out here, we're, you can join and you can sit at our table.

Speaker 2: 13:15

Yeah and that is a breath of fresh air for anyone who goes to any type of networking event, which I mean. If you're like myself, I gotta tell you y'all I do not enjoy networking events. There's a lot of pressure.

Speaker 1: 13:30

It is a lot of pressure and I am someone who, on the outside, everyone is going to make the assumption that I'm an extrovert right, and there is a part of me that is definitely extroverted. I do enjoy other people, I do feed off other people's energy, all that stuff, but I am also extremely shy when I'm in an environment where I don't know anyone else.

Speaker 2: 13:52

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 13:54

So I think that was what I used to do is, instead of me having to go and infiltrate another group or another circle of people that were already talking, I would just turn on my light, yeah, so that people would see me and come to me.

Speaker 2: 14:10

Yeah, and when you are a young person surrounded by all of these CEOs, top level executives, I could imagine you caught their eye and they felt like as if they could communicate with you easily and just this flow of conversation, where it wasn't tortured, it wasn't thought.

Speaker 1: 14:33

Yeah, I was somebody who I was dependable, right, they knew like if they told me that I needed to do something, jessica was going to get it done, and if she didn't know how, she's going to figure out how to do it. Two I asked a lot of questions. Yes, right, you have to ask a lot of questions and in those early years of your career that is a time in which you are absolutely allowed to ask all the questions, because everybody knows you're not supposed to know anything. That's right. But if you don't ask questions and you kind of like skate for a long time and now it's like three or four years in and then you pop your hand up and be like I have a question, like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, how have you gotten this far into your career and you don't know that?

Speaker 1: 15:13

So, I was really good at making sure that I asked a lot of the questions upfront in the beginning, because that's when you have a whole pass. Yeah, I knew like play the new card as much as you can Like I'm new around here, I'm going to ask all the questions so I get all the information, versus making an assumption that I think I know what that means but, then, three years down the road, you're like you mean, that's what that means.

Speaker 1: 15:36

I always thought it meant this and it's been. And they're like no Right. So for anyone who's showing up to a new space, you get a whole pass. You get to ask all the questions you want, because everyone knows you know nothing.

Speaker 2: 15:51

That is such fantastic advice for anyone who is starting out in their career path. So you're the new kid on the block.

Speaker 1: 15:58

I'm the new kid on the block.

Speaker 2: 15:59

And you are soaking up the information. You're asking good questions, you're surrounded by leadership. What, because I know you, you are going to observe and I'm sure that you picked up on some of the communication cues the skill sets that enabled these people in leadership to be able to get to where they were, you know, at the executive level. So what were some of your observations? You know, what did you pick up at that time? As the new kid on the block, could you share some revelations, some things that you realized?

Speaker 2: 16:35

Man, when you get to that level, I mean, there is a certain expectation or maybe a certain communication style that is more effective than others. What did you notice about that? Jumpstart your healthy living journey with 30 days to healthy living. This best selling nutrition set is designed to act as a reset to establishing healthy habits and a healthy lifestyle, so you can get more energy, manage weight and feel fit. Now, with more choices than ever, you can customize your 30 days with delicious protein shakes, detox teas and supplements, all designed to support your goals, ready to start feeling better and healthier. Get started today by clicking on the link in the show notes.

Speaker 1: 17:28

Your presence is really important. So your attention right, Like people can be in a room and you can be listening, but are you there? Are you making eye contact? So being present, your appearance is a really big deal too. How are you walking in the room? So what are you wearing? How are you styled? And again, I was a new grad coming out of school, but I was in a room of executives who all had really big fat paychecks and therefore really glamorous outfits to go along with it In the advertising industry world. So I had to show up.

Speaker 1: 18:13

And when you're presenting and when you're pitching and you're going after new business, that's when the A team rolls in. Like they bring in the top people who present well, who are the most knowledgeable, who are the most personable, because they need to get along with those future clients. That's right. They also want to hire people who they feel like they can openly have conversations with, they can trust, Like when I'm telling you my business problems, we're in a cone of silence here, right, Like it's not gonna be the gossip on the town. And three like is this someone who I'd actually want to go and have lunch with, or sit back and have a beer with or have like a personal conversation with. Those are the people all there is one actually have a professional relationship with. That could veer into that. I like this person. There could possibly be a, you know, not super personal relationship, but friendly and camaraderie, Like because we will go above and beyond for somebody we like.

Speaker 2: 19:16

Yeah, yeah, I'm so glad that you mentioned that because a lot of times I'll have these conversations with different experts within the field, whether they come from a sales background, you know, marketing background, and there does tend to be a lot of focus on, yeah, of course, your presence and your appearance and your level of knowledge and all of those things. But not many of them tapped into what you just tapped into. Are you likeable? That goes a long way. Can they just have a good conversation with you? Do they trust you know that was something that you just mentioned? Also Can they trust that whatever they're sharing with you is not gonna be spread all over town? And then they, you know, open up Twitter and they see their business, you know, is all over Twitter. These are important things that I don't hear many people talk about. Why do you think that is? I mean, you know, in the marketing space, we do focus on polish a lot, don't?

Speaker 1: 20:23

we.

Speaker 2: 20:23

But not necessarily the actual connection, the relationship, the connection relationship.

Speaker 1: 20:28

So here's the thing. So when you're in, like we'll talk, we'll use in an office environment If you have a friend in the office who is your source of information, that like, if you need to know something about what's like going on, I'm sure everybody out there has that person in the office where they're like let's go as though, and so she knows it all yeah.

Speaker 1: 20:51

Or he knows it all, but we're not gonna be biased here in terms of like gender, but like this person is like has their finger on all the things that are going on the office and you're going there to find out information, yeah, and they're free flowing it Like there's an issue. That's great because they're your source, but do you actually ever tell that person anything?

Speaker 2: 21:15

Mm, mm, that's a really great question.

Speaker 1: 21:19

Yeah, Because you know that when you're not in the room. Guess who's information is now being spilled to everybody else?

Speaker 2: 21:26

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 21:27

So people think by sharing a secret with somebody they're building trust with somebody, but in truth, in fact, they're actually breaking trust Because while that person appreciates getting that knowledge, they've tucked it in the back of their head and been like, oh, this person is not safe to communicate with and share secrets with because she just told me that person's secret. So who's not to say she's not going, or they're not going, to share my secret?

Speaker 2: 21:54

Yeah, so you really need to make sure that you are coming across as someone who is trustworthy, trustworthy, yeah, yeah, you're not that person doing all the gossiping at the water cooler. Yeah, can you hold space?

Speaker 1: 22:07

for people, yeah, and can you create an environment in which they feel safe to share information?

Speaker 2: 22:14

Yeah, when you think about it, when you think about leaders in any organization and they get to that executive level, they do have a certain way about them, don't they? When it comes to not being the person who just kind of spouts off at the mouth. They don't just like randomly spill information.

Speaker 1: 22:35

I mean, they are very careful in the type of information that they do divulge and you know very careful that is definitely the challenge in leadership, because there's this fine line in leadership of being transparent and sharing knowledge and disseminating information down within an organization, but at the same time they can't, because there's things that leaders are not in a position to share with the general office and staff.

Speaker 1: 23:08

There needs to be checks and balances. You can't just be sharing all the things with everybody all the time. So leaders have to have that very fine balance of being forthcoming and transparent and sharing enough but not too much, and that's a skill that eventually, as people kind of grow up in the ranks of an office and they kind of get clearance to the next level, kind of like in Super Mario Brothers, that's where they're accessible to more information but they're also being told at the same time. You know, with this information comes great responsibility. So you have to be granted that, you have to be proven like this is somebody that this organization can trust with information that's how people grow up into new roles is are you, yes, are you good at the thing that you do? But the kind of other big qualifier is can this person be trusted?

Speaker 2: 24:08

Yeah, yeah, and I think that's why it's so important, especially if you are a new manager, like what you just said. You're really good at what you do, congratulations. Right, you're going to get a promotion. That's point of entry, like that, yeah.

Speaker 1: 24:21

That's table stakes here. There's a whole new skillset With things that are really going to help other people get that next leadership position is not just you know what are you able to do, but like how are you doing it? How do people perceive you? Are you know? Are you liked around the organization? How you know, how do people feel about you? Because those are the things that are those underlying qualifications that are going to get somebody moved up to the next level or invited to join this, you know, special task force, or be invited to this project or get nominated to go and be the person who goes and talks to that reporter. Like how are you going to be showing up and representing this brand and this?

Speaker 2: 25:00

company, yeah, and if you're somebody who really wants to move up in the company that you're at, you know, don't just think about within your own department. You know, yeah, you want to be that person who's known as trustworthy, the go-to person to be able to get things done, but you got to also think about outside of the department.

Speaker 2: 25:17

You know this is Some strategic planning going on for your own career path? When you think about it from a communication standpoint, who are you building relationships with outside of your department and how are you making sure that their perception of you you know? How are you being mindful, you know of those things, and what time? What type of conversations are you having?

Speaker 1: 25:41

What's interesting is you know now, now where I am in my career, like all these years later, and I look back, I'm like, oh, I was building my personal brand from day one, yeah, without even realizing it. Yeah, because how I represent and how I am today and show up today and all the things was stitched together through all of those moments throughout my career. Way back is like how are you showing up?

Speaker 2: 26:09

Yeah, so let's, let's jump forward. You said you were in that industry for what? 19 years, 15 years, 15 years in advertising. So what was that shift? What was the catalyst that caused you to say you know what, I'm ready for something new.

Speaker 1: 26:26

So I loved advertising. Advertising was a lot of fun. Got to do really cool things, got to shoot TV commercials on top of mountains and Chile and work on big global brands and travel the world and all the glamorous things, all the things right. All the things about what you know the average person doesn't see is what it takes to have that life. And you know my girlfriends used to joke with me like Jess, you have the ideal single girl in the city life. Right, you got a condo, you have a nice car, you drive, you know your closet full designer clothes and shoes and you go to all the parties and like you are one of the girls in sex in the city at this point, yeah.

Speaker 1: 27:00

But girlfriends, do you know what I have to do to have that life? That is like a crazy person. And advertising is an industry that is known for breeding more colleagues.

Speaker 2: 27:10

Yeah, and I was becoming one.

Speaker 1: 27:12

Oh wow, because you're all gone, right, you're always working, you know, two or three seasons ahead, like, as soon as you, you know, wrap that Christmas campaign. Guess what you're thinking about? Christmas 2024, right, you don't even have a chance to like enjoy that, because you're always you know ready to move on to the next thing.

Speaker 1: 27:29

Three month planning ahead. Wow, you're living in the future, yeah, so it's very hard to be present, and I got to the point where I really wanted to be married to a human, but I realized that I was married to my career, yeah, and I was approaching that age. But thankfully, I, you know, met. I met the man who is now my now husband, and he and I started a long distance relationship and I don't know if any of you if you or any of your listeners have ever been in a long distance relationship, but the thing that people don't realize about those is that they actually take more time than in person wants to. Yeah, yeah, and that made me realize that I didn't own my time. Somebody else did. They told me where I had to be, when I had to be there, how long I had to show up, for I'm like this is even less fun than it was before.

Speaker 2: 28:18

Right, because you weren't able to be where you really wanted to be. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 28:22

I'm like I'm happy to work, I love working, I love what I do. I just want to do it over there and you're telling me no. And this predates. Remote working Like this is like back in the day when everyone physically had to show up to an office.

Speaker 1: 28:36

So, that was becoming really challenging for me, like the job was no longer and my career was no longer serving the new life that I had, now that there was another person involved. And so, you know, he and I dated, got engaged and got married in a hot minute, because that's what you do when you're over the age of 30. You're in a long distance relationship and you want to be together. And so, yeah, it wasn't until my husband kind of arrived in Canada to be with me that I kind of had my next nudge from the universe telling me that me and my advertising career needed to break up was because I married a pilot, yeah yeah, and his career and my career were never going to be in alignment. He was always going to be picking up and taking off and going somewhere and I physically had to show up to this cubicle every day, aka jail Right.

Speaker 2: 29:28

Yeah, the stark contrast.

Speaker 1: 29:31

I was like no. So while the work was fun you know what I love, what I did, how I was doing it was no longer serving the life that I was having now with this future partner. So a life change happened for me, which is what made me kind of fall out of love with my career, because I needed a different lifestyle.

Speaker 2: 29:51

Yeah, wow.

Speaker 1: 29:53

Because it was no longer okay for me to work till eight nine o'clock at night. Go home, eat some popcorn for dinner and sleep, turn around and go back to the office. There's another person Like we need to do things together.

Speaker 2: 30:05

Right, it's kind of different thing, this is not what I wanted to.

Speaker 1: 30:09

Single girl Jess was like yeah, maybe had a bang career and on the outside looked great, but it wasn't yeah. The life wasn't great.

Speaker 2: 30:19

Yeah, yeah. So how was that for you? When you finally made that decision, you're like okay, it's time handing in the letter of resignation, I'm making this big decision. Were you scared, were you concerned or were you excited?

Speaker 1: 30:36

No, because I put a transition plan together. I got an exit strategy because I was not in a position to just quit my job and start a business. My husband was a brand new immigrant to the country. Yeah, he was very challenged in getting his career off the ground because they wanted quote unquote Canadian experience. Right, I'm like what does that mean? I'm like it's a plane, there's a sky over Canada, it's the Canadian sky. So he struggled to find his, to get started, and so I was the sole income earner. I was the primary income earner, and so there's pressure. I was the sponsor of an immigrant. You were also financially responsible for this person for 10 years. Whether or not you stay together, right? Wow, I had to walk away from my six-figure advertising career just because it no longer suited me. I had to put an exit strategy together, and that's what I did. I started a business part-time as a side hustle and then I did that for two years alongside of my corporate career until I grew my business to the size where I could walk away. So I am that.

Speaker 1: 31:51

I think they're called like scroll monkeys or something, or like flying monkeys, where you don't let go of one branch until you have a firm grip. Do you have the other one? That was me. I'm like reach, go, go for it. Do the work in the nine to five and then the five to nine time, or whatever those pockets are. Build something for yourself in those other hours, get a grip and then, when you have a firm grip, then I let go. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 32:23

Exit strategy. Y'all, I'm telling you, I told you this is going to be a masterclass.

Speaker 1: 32:29

How about exit?

Speaker 2: 32:30

That's brilliant. I mean, that's really smart. It is because I don't think. A lot of people think in terms of what is my exit strategy. They get to the point where they're just fed up and it's like I got to get out of here. Let me just find something else, rather than just hit the pause button for a moment and really look at the strategy behind this. How can I do this in a way that is going to benefit me?

Speaker 1: 33:22

I learned this through a personal situation, though right, and I just applied it to my career, because as a young woman, my parents always told me like, when you're going out with anyone, you make sure you have enough money, that if something goes sideways and you need to exit this dinner, this whatever, you can get yourself out of there and get yourself home safely. Go. Mom and dad Because, raising daughters, they wanted to make sure that we had enough money in the bank, that if something happened, you had X amount of time to survive on your own right. You had to have a passport, you had to have a driver's license and you needed to have these tools to make sure that you were not dependent on somebody else 100%. They would call it like get VEX money. Like if you were out on a date and he said something at dinner that did not go well, you needed to have enough money to make sure that you could get in a cab or find your way out of there without him.

Speaker 2: 34:37

Wow, okay. So y'all, if you have daughters, hit the pause button right now and rewind it. Go get your daughters and have them listened. If they don't listen to anything else, they need to listen to what we were just talking about right now. That is some valuable advice, good for your parents, for just kind of passing along. So many young women don't get advice like that.

Speaker 1: 35:06

They called it get VEX money. You needed to have money that if you got mad, you could walk away.

Speaker 2: 35:12

Yeah, wow.

Speaker 1: 35:14

Wow. So I applied that to my career. Like then you're like okay, well, how much money do I need in the bank to be able to pay all my bills? That if this company decided that they don't want me anymore, I'm okay. Or if I decide I don't want this company anymore, I'm okay. So I'm also somebody who survived a very, very long in my career before getting laid off. So I didn't get laid off in my career for the first 13 years, yeah, yeah. So when I first lay off, it came at a very inopportune time. It was like a punch in the gut. We had just gotten married. We were two months in. We were in the middle of my husband's residency application. So even though I had paid into EI for 13 years, I couldn't collect unemployment insurance because had I done that, they would have rejected his residency.

Speaker 1: 36:08

So, I had no security net and I had just started a new job at a new company and last one in first one out, so there was no severance package. I was there for like four months.

Speaker 2: 36:20

Wow.

Speaker 1: 36:21

I had nothing. So I've been laid off four times in three years after that, and so that was the other catalyst for me too, was Jessica Like I want to make sure I am never in a position where somebody else has the deciding factor over how much I earn or when I earn or anything like that, and the only way to do that was to start my own business and be responsible for myself. So I wanted to make sure that I can never be fired ever again or laid off ever again because I was my own boss. Yeah, yeah, and that all stemmed from that lesson of set yourself up that, if ever anything goes sideways, prepare for impact.

Speaker 1: 37:06

Yeah, do you have the safety net? Do you have the money? Do you have the driver's license to jump in the car and drive away? Do you have a passport to exit this vacation that you guys are on and things aren't going well? You can get on a plane and leave.

Speaker 2: 37:18

Yeah, I mean, it really does give you that sense of control, you know, I mean, and you have options, which it's not something that we really think about. So I really kudos to your parents for making that a part of the conversation. And I'm serious, y'all get your orders, yeah.

Speaker 1: 37:41

When you asked that original question, like what skills or whatever I was, like that's how I was raised and so when you show up knowing that you have there is a back door, yeah, and you're put in situations you know, in your career and whatever and whatnot, you know there's an exit that you don't. You don't have to stay anywhere and put up with an abusive boss or a toxic you know work environment or whatever, because you have to create a back door for yourself.

Speaker 2: 38:13

Yeah, whether it's a job, whether it's a relationship, any of those things, you have that ability, you have that exit strategy. You have that point of strategy.

Speaker 1: 38:23

So, yeah, I created an exit strategy for myself to get myself out of my you know my nine to nine grind and start, you know, doing more things that I wanted to do. That really kind of fueled my heart and served me in a different way and I could help people in a different way. Yeah so, yeah. So I became a social marketer and I use that business to help myself and help other people and I was able to, you know, make different choices, support my husband's career and that was a big thing for us too. And you know, one of now that I was no longer stressed out workaholic, you actually have, like the space and capacity to do other passion projects that you want to do that you don't have time for when you're stressed out workaholic, and so that's what I started to do.

Speaker 1: 39:14

I started to volunteer, I started to work, you know, for other organizations and you know, bring, bring some skills, work with different brands that I actually enjoyed and liked, and you know, the podcast was something that I always wanted to do too. And then I'm like, jess, you keep seeing the people do the thing that you say you want to do. It's time to do it. So I pulled that plan off the shelf, I dusted it off and I started the show, and it was inspired by that first story that I mentioned of I just got laid off. Now what, yeah? And it might mean my husband and sharing the resilience that I had to pursue and the grit and determination to figure out what was next after getting laid off at that very inopportune time. And as a speaker and a coach, I've shared that story on many stages and the feedback was always the same of oh my gosh, jess, that story was packed full of so many lessons.

Speaker 2: 40:11

Yep.

Speaker 1: 40:12

And I'm like I know, and I got a dozen more of that one game, and so that was like you need to start this show. You need to be able to share these stories on a scale that will be able to reach more people. Yeah, right, and so I just blank Now what was created? And it's a show that has my personal stories, but also guests who come on and share their stories of life when life came at them and they had to figure out how to figure out what was next. And we do it to inspire other people to wake up every day knowing that, no matter what life brings to their door, they can figure it out.

Speaker 2: 40:51

That's right. That's right and I think that's why I feel such a strong kinship with you, because I feel so much in the same way with this podcast talking about communication skills. Because look at the end of the day, it's a big experiment, right, and we all make mistakes and we got to learn from those mistakes. It's not the end of the world, but these are just. Sometimes we'll share a very specific tip that you might be able to try out at work. Try with your boss or maybe with a significant other. Sometimes we're just sharing stories.

Speaker 2: 41:26

It's like this I mean amazing lessons learned that you can just shift your mindset just a little bit or just gain a slightly different perspective, so you can try out something differently, look at something a little bit differently, and if you just have that little bitty tweak, it could have an incredibly huge impact on just a different result. And so I think, and I'm sure you feel the same way even if it's just one person can pick up on whatever it is that you're trying to share with them, and it helps in any way. No matter how small, it's all worth it. It's so incredibly worth it when you hear someone get back with you and say, hey, that was a really great episode. That one thing I took it and it just helped so much.

Speaker 2: 42:16

I mean, it's just, it's such a great feeling to know that you're able to have that type of influence or just have that type of impact on someone's life, no matter how small it is.

Speaker 1: 42:28

I mean, it's a big for them. It's actually the tiny things that make the biggest impact, right? So? And it could just be a thought, like something someone said, like maybe now there's a whole bunch of people out there have been like, oh my gosh, like I'm going to make sure that my kid gets her driver's license, yeah, yeah, that's going to be a really big piece about having some independence.

Speaker 1: 42:52

And my mom was the influence there of watching her mom be dependent on somebody else to come and pick her up and drive her and take her places, and so my mom was like she was getting her license. She wasn't waiting on anybody to like pick her up and wasting so much time waiting for other people to take them somewhere. Yeah, and so she was very insistent when my sister and I turned 16, that we got our license because she didn't want us waiting on no one. That's right. Or, in a case of an emergency and there's a car in the driveway, she wanted to make sure that her daughters were able to get in that car and drive to whatever hospital or whatever the situation was Like. There's a car in the driveway. You need to be able to learn to drive it.

Speaker 2: 43:36

That's right.

Speaker 1: 43:38

Learning the tools and knowing how to use the tools are really really important. And that goes for so many things in life.

Speaker 1: 43:44

Oh yeah, and just being open, just being open to learn, to being open to do new things and to fail. There's a lot of failure in this journey that I haven't talked about. That's how we learn. That's how we learn, and people like People are the lifeblood of any business.

Speaker 1: 44:05

Anything that you want to do requires other humans to speak about it, to share about it, whatever. And so having really good skills of communicating with other people and helping them see your vision and enrolling them into that vision and plan, getting them on board with it whether you're a CEO of a massive company or you're an entrepreneur and a solopreneur and a team of one, whether you're asking people to come and join your show or buy Girl Guide cookies from your daughter, like, you need to set vision for people and enroll them into this bigger idea and help people feel as though they are part of something bigger than themselves. That's the key thing. When you help somebody see how important they are, not only to their own life, but to this society and this planet and the community, that's when you get a volunteer army. When you have a volunteer army all working towards the same thing, you're unstoppable.

Speaker 2: 45:15

Wow, I tell you what helping others feel important. Who doesn't want to feel acknowledged, right, who doesn't want to feel like they're able to make a difference, no matter how small you think it might be? And to be in a position to be able to help someone else feel that that's an awesome responsibility to have and it's really cool to see it happen, when you're able to help someone gain that insight into themselves.

Speaker 2: 45:44

So, could you just real quickly for the audience, could you explain what is a social marketer? So what is it that you do in your business on that side of the house? I want to get back to the podcast in just a second, but would you take a few minutes just to explain? Absolutely.

Speaker 1: 45:59

So a social marketer also has a couple other way network marketer, and essentially what that is is word of mouth. Right, word of mouth is the original advertising. Yes, before they were billboards, before they were magazine ads, before they were TV commercials, how other people learned about things was somebody else told them about it. Yeah, that's right. It was belly to belly, person to person communication. That is the original advertising. It called gossip also right. So that's what I do. So instead of paying celebrities big, big, big contracts to go and endorse a brand and or a product, the company that I am partnered with, I'm the brand ambassador, I am that celebrity, I'm the walking talking billboard for their products.

Speaker 1: 46:54

So, I share about them, I talk about them and when somebody purchases those products through my recommendation, I get a cut. I get paid because I'm the reason they learned about that brand. I'm the reason they learned about this amazing green got glow drink. That's helped this person's digestive system and they're feeling so much better. I'm the person who brought this person to this company and said, hey, give this brand a try. So I deserve it. I might not be Halle Berry, but I deserve it because I'm the connector. So I'm literally just a connector of people and a brand and helping them get together. And I share this brand story and why I personally love it, why I personally use it. And people generally we're going back to that trust thing purchase things from people they know, like and trust. And so if your best friend is saying, jen, oh, my god, you got to try this thing, I just did it You're like, oh, get me some of that. Ok, yeah, we're probably more in tune to purchase that product because the recommendation came from somebody you know.

Speaker 1: 48:02

Because, we're all now smart enough to know that Beyonce doesn't use L'Oreal hair color and Jennifer Aniston probably really doesn't use a Vino. Like we're smart enough, consumers, to know that those celebrities have been paid to represent these bands. Yeah, but if your bestie down the street is telling you, oh my god, I've been drinking this thing and I am feeling freaking fantastic, or my hair is growing, my nails are going to plug, whatever it is, you'll be like I need some of that.

Speaker 2: 48:28

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 48:30

Why can't that friend be compensated for that purchase?

Speaker 2: 48:35

OK, I see Recommended.

Speaker 1: 48:37

It's all recommendations, but it's a recommendation selling and you're using your network, your social network, and now, with social media, our networks are a lot bigger. It's no longer just the people we physically come in contact with in our day-to-day activities. We're connecting with people from Australia, new Zealand, the other side of the planet, because of social media. So social media has allowed us to have bigger audiences and create friend groups whom we've never physically met in person, but they are literally our online bestie, like you and I are.

Speaker 2: 49:09

Yeah, that's right, yeah that you have influence over.

Speaker 1: 49:12

Everyone has influence. Whether you're talking to five people or you have a following of 1,000 or more, everyone has influence and people get to know you and like you and listen to my stories on Instagram every day and then like oh my gosh, Jess, your hair looks gorgeous. What are you using? Or whatever it is. I'm recommending things that I love all the time. Thankfully, some of them pay me to do that when it results in a sale, and others I recommend just because for the sheer love of recommending it. Yeah, but that's what a social marketer is is somebody who shares information to their social network about the things that they love and they do, and those brands say thank you for bringing me a customer.

Speaker 2: 50:01

Generate some passive income by launching your own online store today with Printful. Create and sell custom products online with easy print-on-demand drop shipping services. You can create an online store that sells a variety of high quality products that range from coffee mugs to phone cases to jackets, or you can even create your own unique apparel collection. So what are you waiting for? Get started today by clicking on the link in the show notes. Yeah, that's amazing. So do you ever offer classes to others on how they, too, can become a social marketer? Absolutely. I actually do quite a bit of coaching, because you know that there are some people listening and their ears just perked up.

Speaker 2: 50:48

That's the best part, too, is that not only do I have my, am I able to be a brand ambassador.

Speaker 1: 50:53

I have the ability to coach other people and I have the ability to do that. Be a brand ambassador. I have the ability to coach other brand ambassadors too, and be thanks for teaching how many of you have gone to a job and trained a new person.

Speaker 2: 51:10

Did you?

Speaker 1: 51:10

get paid for that? Yeah, did you get a percentage of that person's future earnings Because, literally, you shared your knowledge with them and they're just kind of partly due to you. No, but that's part of it too, is that we get thanks for helping others. It's a business that is used to sharing, is caring right, passing on knowledge, and designed in a way that you are incentivized to make sure that other people succeed.

Speaker 2: 51:41

Yeah, that is amazing. Ok, so we have just a little bit of time left, so we're going to start wrapping it up here, but I have so many more questions and one of those questions, I'm going to ask you to share all your information, because I know the ears perked up and I know that there are going to be some people out there going to be like, hey man, I need to find out more about this.

Speaker 2: 52:05

Yeah, how do I contact her? So we're going to get to all of that. I want to kind of jump back into your podcast, though before we run out of time I have a couple of questions about the podcast. So you have had the opportunity to interview so many people and have them talk about these really difficult times and their lives. I mean just some really difficult situations that they have found themselves in that they just kind of had to figure out, literally like now, what, what am I going to do? What are some of the takeaways that you have learned over the time of being able to have these amazing conversations, people opening up to you? What are some things that come to mind when you hear the question? So what are some of those lessons learned for you at this point, because you already come to the table with so much knowledge, in that you bring a lot of information just from your own experiences what are some new things that you've learned being able to be a host of this podcast?

Speaker 1: 53:12

It is a true honor and I'm not going to lie. Part of me set this up so I could tap into and learn right, like I had front row access to some amazing people and that amazing lesson. So at the time of this recording, we are wrapping up the fourth season of my show and we're approaching our 100th episode, and most of that have been through wonderful guests coming on my show and the common theme and thread that I find through all of the episodes is resilience is in all of us. We all have it. We just need to tap into it and turn it on right, and something in life is the switch right. So we have inner strength in spades, but some of us just literally just need that thing to hit the switch, to turn it on. But it's there in all of us.

Speaker 2: 54:19

Yeah, we need to hear that so much though. It's so easy to feel when you go through whatever it is, whatever it is, that has just kind of completely knocked you down and you feel like you're alone, you're in this abyss. We just we really need to hear that. That look, it is in us.

Speaker 1: 54:40

It is. You have everything within you to figure this out. Yeah, you just need to start flipping on some switches. Yeah Right, maybe it was off for a little while. Second is we all go through something? We're all going through something. We sure are Constantly. That is life. We are living life. If you are alive, you are going through shit. That's right.

Speaker 1: 55:07

And you should be grateful for it, because it is the lessons, it is the things that are preparing you for a future that you don't even know for, and 100% every time, every guess, when they look back in hindsight and look at what happened and then they share the story and what they did to figure out they at the time they all didn't know what was going to even be possible. But in the future when they look back, they're always grateful for it, no matter what it was that happened. All of my guests, myself included, are always grateful for those hard times because it helps them in ways they didn't even realize they needed.

Speaker 2: 55:48

It opens them up.

Speaker 1: 55:49

It put them on a new path, it protected them. Sometimes it was that bad situation you got fired, you got laid off. It removed them from a situation.

Speaker 2: 55:59

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 56:00

That saves their life.

Speaker 2: 56:02

Yeah, that's right. That's right. So it was the catalyst. They didn't know they needed what.

Speaker 1: 56:08

It was the nudge. It was the thing to get them to safety, to learn a new thing. So everyone is always grateful for all the things right, even as bad as they were, they're always still grateful for them. It helped flip the switch. They have more compassion for others because they've gone through something, and so now they have empathy for others who are either going through something similar or it could be something completely different, but they know what that feels like, and so there's more empathy from them to the rest of the world. And the other thing is the theme that keeps coming up always is that, no matter what, they are ready to face the next thing, too, in a better way, and they know that something else is coming. Everyone who has gone through something knows that there's something else in the future.

Speaker 2: 57:09

It's just matter time.

Speaker 1: 57:11

That's life. So they are now better prepared for impact. Yeah, and they don't look at that future thing as oh my God, here we go again. Oh, like, why me? Well, like, there's no more victim. Right so it helps them for those future situations because they moved out of victim mode into, you know, their powerful superhero mode and they know that whatever life brings to the door, they're going to tackle it and they're going to be grateful for it.

Speaker 2: 57:41

Yeah, yeah, I know I'm going to be okay. I mean it sucks right now. Yeah, it sucks. Yeah, I mean Absolutely.

Speaker 1: 57:49

I mean I'm going to get through it, but they bounce back from those so much faster. Yeah, everyone is a lot more bouncy when you go through stuff, for the next thing and that's a common thing that I see on the show all the time is that the stuff doesn't stop coming. Oh yeah, life is going to continue to come, but they're more prepared for it when they go through really hard times.

Speaker 2: 58:12

Yeah, and how inspirational for you right to be able to just listen to all of these stories of overcoming obstacles and the things that they've gone through and to be able to see that transformation and listen to that story. I imagine that sometimes you just walk away so feeling so fulfilled and, you know, just so connected with that person because they felt comfortable enough to share that story with you. Absolutely, it's an incredible privilege to be able to do something like this.

Speaker 1: 58:43

When people come on your show and share their story, when people are vulnerable with you, they have given you access to them. Yeah, that is a huge gift and you have to use it wisely. Yeah, and you can't take advantage of that. And if you cultivate that relationship and that friendship when someone has been vulnerable with you, it can serve in a beautiful, beautiful way.

Speaker 2: 59:09

Yeah, that's amazing. Well, Jessica, how do we get in touch with you? Give us all of the things your socials, how to listen to your podcast.

Speaker 1: 59:20

Yeah, so if you follow me on social, Jessloveslife is where. I like to hang out on Instagram and I'm pretty active there. Jessicastevensca is the website and that's where you can reach out to me, send me emails, ask me questions, all the things, and there's where you can also find the podcast, but you can find it also on any podcast platform your heart loves and it's I Just Blank. Now what?

Speaker 2: 59:54

Love it, love it. Thank you so much for coming on the show and sharing your story. I mean, you truly are just an inspiration for others. I know it's really cool to have your own show and that you're inspired by people, but I just hope that you truly do know what kind of an inspiration you are to others. You really do make an impact and I, for one, I am just so incredibly thankful that our paths crossed it, just, you know, through happenstance, you know being on the same. I think we were both on a pod match or something.

Speaker 1: 1:00:27

We're on the same platform, yeah, and we have to cancel our chat like a whole bunch of times, but we followed up with each other. We're like no, jen is someone I got to talk to, let's schedule this, and that's the other thing is my last note. Yes, be persistent. Do not let silence and communication, you know, reach back out. You have no idea what was going on in that person's life, as to why they might have fallen off. You know that that email chain or the text message reply reach out and always give people the benefit of that. You know I've been stood up a lot of times at a lot of meetings. You know whether that be Zoom or in person, and I always reach out and say I'm checking in, I want to see did something happen?

Speaker 2: 1:01:14

Yes.

Speaker 1: 1:01:15

On most of the times, something happened.

Speaker 2: 1:01:17

Something happened.

Speaker 1: 1:01:18

No one's trying to be mean to you on purpose. No one you know is ignoring that email or that phone call you know to be out of, out of malice, sometimes is whatever. So just reach out and give people the benefit of the tout and help pick up that conversation again and keep those that low slide the communication open. Amen.

Speaker 2: 1:01:39

That is 100% correct. Absolutely, check your assumptions. No, like you said, that reaching out, that one message that you send could be the one thing that that person needed, because they could be going through something, and that's why they fell off the face of the earth is because of whatever it is that they're going through. Absolutely, yeah, thank you again, jessica.

Speaker 1: 1:02:02

I really enjoyed this.

Speaker 2: 1:02:03

I know that there's got so much out of this. I love that and, and you know, you and I will talk again. Yeah, we will definitely.

Speaker 1: 1:02:10

Oh for sure You're not getting rid of me, Jen. You're not getting rid of me.

Speaker 2: 1:02:14

All right, everyone. Hope you enjoyed this as much as I did. I want all of you to have a wonderful rest of your day and we'll see you next time. Bye, bye, bye. Thanks for listening. If you enjoyed this episode and you'd like to help support the podcast, please share it with others, post about it on social media or leave a rating and a review.