The Power of Community: Overcoming Challenges and Thriving w/Babs Faseesin

In this captivating episode, Jen engages in a deep conversation with Babs, a remarkable individual who defied stereotypes and embraced his introverted nature to make a significant impact on the world. 

Jen and Babs discuss the importance of a strong foundation and the power of community in shaping a child's development. They share personal anecdotes of how being embraced by a supportive community can have a transformative impact on one's life, providing a sense of belonging, confidence, and the opportunity to make a positive difference.

The conversation takes a reflective turn as they discuss the struggles and expectations Babs faced while growing up. Babs opens up about the pressure to excel and the weight of constantly having to prove himself. He shares vulnerable moments of feeling overwhelmed and the desire for acceptance and recognition from his father. However, Babs also acknowledges the love and balance his parents provided by expressing their pride and admiration for his accomplishments during family dinners. 

Join Jen and Babs in this thought-provoking conversation as they inspire listeners to embrace their introverted nature, build supportive communities, and navigate the challenges of life with resilience, love, and self-acceptance.

Purchase Babs' book, "Cracking the Life Code: Keys to Master Your Mindset, Habits, and Behaviors for Personal Success" from Amazon here https://amzn.to/42Zk0qO 

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Transcript

[00:00] Babs: It. We often need to remind ourselves that when dead leaves are dead, it's okay to let them fall off the trees.

[00:13] Jen: Wow. What a fantastic start to season three. I felt renewed after having this conversation. Babs is more than a business leader and a life strategist. Listening to him describe his life growing up in Nigeria, discuss his family dynamics, and share what it took for him to carve his own path, was truly a privilege. Our talk is full of lessons learned, vulnerable moments, and really great advice. So get your notepad ready because you are going to want to write some of this stuff down, I promise. Enjoy the show. Welcome to the Communication 24/7 podcast, where we communicate about how we communicate. I'm your host, Jennifer Furlong. I know it has been a minute. I am so sorry I had to take a small well, not a small leave of absence, but a leave of absence. You know, life is hard, things kind of happened and that is one reason why I have a very special guest today. We are jump-starting season three of the podcast. And I wanted to make sure for selfish reasons, but for you all as well, I wanted to make sure that I had a special guest who is able to motivate. US, to inspire us, to talk to us about strength and everything else that goes along with picking yourself up when life seems to just want to knock you down. I think all of us could probably use a little inspiration. So that's why I invited my guest today. I am so excited to have him on board the Communication 24/7 podcast. Now, before I go on saying too much, Babs, would you mind just introducing yourself to the audience? Let them know what's your jam. What are you doing these days?

[02:34] Babs: Hey, Jan. So nice to be here. Thank you so much for having me on the podcast and thank you for the great work. It's great to see you again. I am Bab Sparson and I am the founder of Cracking the Life Code. Also the author of the book Cracking the Life Code. I am just a person who's very passionate about personal growth, and personal development, and I've invested over 20 years of my life inspiring people all over the world just to become better versions of themselves. I know it sounds cliche, but frankly speaking, as you said earlier, we all need a bit of inspiration every now and again so we can keep going. Life does get tough, but, yeah, I'm here to help, support and provide inspiration where possible.

[03:25] Jen: Yeah, absolutely. And I think Babbs is a little reserved. I want to tell you, he probably doesn't want to brag too much, but I have been stalking his socials for a little while and this guy, you got to check him out. Yes, he is a business leader, he's a strategist, he is an author, he is a speaker. He's a world traveler. If you check out his socials, he is somebody who looks like, man, this guy has it together, he's got it going on. So I think he's going to be able to inspire us in a magical way. So I'm so excited for this conversation. Babs tell us about your upbringing. How did you grow up and where did this desire to help others and to motivate others come from?

[04:19] Babs: Well, first of all, Jen, I have to say that you're very kind. So thank you for the kind words. I absolutely appreciate it. Speaking of the origin story, I was born and raised in Africa, Nigeria specifically, first of three boys. And my parents had a specific idea for how they wanted to raise three boys in the middle of a really difficult time in Nigeria. And they started off focusing first on education, than on character building. And the one last thing my father would always say is, you've got to be able to effectively communicate the thoughts in your head, and that's one life skill that will save you or help you get to the next level in life. So communication was a very big piece of my growing up. So its character building is education because a lot of times people thought education was the way out of poverty, out of lack, out of its, just security. The assumption is that when you get an education, you might find security in the future. And then character building, because my father would always say, my parents, actually, a good name is better than reach. And so he would do everything within his power to protect that name. So character and integrity were words that I heard every day. So I think I was under ten when I ran into the room one day and I saw my mom crying, and that broke my heart. I asked her why she was crying. She said she had received the bad news from her mom and she was unable to help her mom at that moment. So as a little kid, seeing my mom cry hurt me so badly. So I said to myself, I'll do everything within my power as I grow older to live a life that allows me to provide help for my family and the people I care about at every point in life. But to do that, I started to think deeply about how I could experience life beyond my immediate circumstances. I knew there had to be more to life than all that I experienced. I knew there had to be something else beyond the devastation that surrounded my upbringing at the time. And I was very privileged to have a mother who is a librarian. And so she came home with a lot of books. And for me, as an introverted kid, I spent a lot of time in my bed. I spent a lot in fact, many of our family friends didn't know that I am the first child. They would often think my middle brother is the first child because he's the opposite. He's very active, he's social, he's all over the place. I, on the other hand, I'm always in my bedroom alone with my thoughts. So the one way that I got my thoughts out was really writing. I wrote a lot. I wrote a lot of notes. I wrote notes to inanimate objects. I wrote notes on just about anything. I wrote notes on the wall, my mirror. I just got my thoughts out by writing. So I read a lot of books, and I continued to explore inspirational books as my mom would help me bring them home from the library and I would read. And so I added a layer of reading to my general academic reading. So I hosted my first conference at 17. It had 2000 people in attendance. It was powerful. It had great speakers that inspired us and motivated us. And a lot of kids my age, slightly older, some in their mid-20s, were very inspired by that conference. Today, as I speak to you, some of them are doing exceptionally well, and they would refer to that conference as the launch pad or the starting point for them. So I'm grateful for that. And so I knew very clearly at that point, at 17 that, oh yeah, the rest of my life is probably going to be centered around inspiring people and challenging people to do and be better for themselves. So went through college, and I remember in college buying books. At this point, I was far away from home, and so I had to buy my own books.

[09:11] Jen: Like an ouch.

[09:13] Babs: Yeah. So I spent 75% of my pocket money just buying inspirational books. I like to say this funny thing that when I was getting out of college, my final year, I was leaving school. A lot of my friends were struggling to fit their clothes in their suitcases. I was struggling to fit my books in my suitcase.

[09:38] Jen: Dark difference, right?

[09:40] Babs: Exactly. I had purchased and read a lot of books, a ton of books. So while I was studying biochemistry, on the one hand, I was also reading inspirational books. So daytime I'm doing classes, nighttime I'm exposing my mind to a lot of inspirational materials. During this period, I found out there was a clear difference between really successful people and not-so-successful people. And I realized the one thing that separated the really successful people from the not-so-successful people was a mindset. I found out in college that to change the trajectory of our lives, we need to first change our mindset. I found out in college also that of all the creations of humanity, all through history, nothing has ever been created that was more powerful than the human mind. If you want to change a nation, change their minds. And so I began to invest in my mind. I began to expose my mind to positivity, I began to read more books that exposed my mind to the kind of life that I wanted to leave outside of college. It was also about the time I started to do a lot of public speaking. I was sharing some of this knowledge with my friends and college students on other campuses. So it became a thing where I fell into that whole public speaking space by accident, just sharing the knowledge that I read. And then after college, first I have to tell the very interesting story because after college, having studied biochemistry and if you know anything at all about African parents, only three professions exist medicine, It's law, and engineering. And so if you are not in any of these three, you literally wasted your life. So coming from a family of three boys, where of course, my brother is an attorney and this one was an engineer, naturally you believe that I would be the medical doctor, right? So for this reason, I studied clinical biochemistry with the intention of going to med school. But hey, I realized my path was totally different in college and I realized I did not want to stay within the confines of the walls of the hospital, attending to one patient at a time, when I can own the entire globe and speak to multiple thousands of people and inspire them at once. So rather than attending to one patient at a time in college, I said to myself, I want to just expose a lot of people to positive messages and inspiration. And I don't want to just see one patient at a time. I want to see thousands of people at a time. I want to inspire thousands of people at a time. But then that came with a challenge. I had to sell this idea to my parents, who believed that you only had to study medicine, right? And that conversation did not go well. My father tried so hard, but then he said to me one thing that inspired me and challenged me to this day. He said you would spend the rest of your life working really hard to prove to me that there's so much more that you can do for yourself outside of the walls of the hospital. I took that up as a challenge for some people, that might be a discouragement, but I said, you know what? This is a bet. And I would do everything within my power to show my parents that indeed, there's so much more I can do for myself, for my family, and for the society at large, without necessarily following the path that was set out for me by my parents. So I began the journey of consulting, working in the business field, and now I found my desire and my passion, my ability to help solve business problems. That's really what propelled me and my career. So on the one hand, I am inspiring thousands of people. On the other hand, I'm building a career because I believed very strongly that in order to teach other people, you've got to experience it yourself, you've got to learn yourself. So I started to build a career in strategy, worked in consulting, worked in advertising, and grew through the ranks. And one day a time came when an award was being given, and for some reason, I happened to be the individual who was receiving this award. So I invited my father.

[14:14] Jen: Strategy.

[14:17] Babs: In there, and my dad, he was nodding, okay, maybe I'm almost there. And so after the award ceremony, we had dinner, and I was just chatting with him, how'd you feel now? He goes, Well, I see you're doing great, but you're not there yet.

[14:35] Jen: He's going to keep pushing you.

[14:37] Babs: I know. So I got a master's degree, and I said, how do you feel about my MBA? He said, no, you're not there yet. So four years ago, I went back to school to study for a doctorate degree, and I would be wrapping that up this year. And I'm very excited that ultimately I would be able to give him, my parents, a doctorate degree title.

[15:03] Jen: I am a doctor now.

[15:05] Babs: Exactly. But along the line, I've been able to do what I really wanted to do. Yes. So after over 20 years of working really hard to build character, to find inspiration, failing at so many things, including relationships, failing at business, my first business, and second business failed. I picked it up again and continued to try. And after several failures and learning from all of these failures and teaching people how to probably avoid some of my mistakes in life, I decided to write the book Crack in the Life Code, which really got launched last year.

[15:46] Jen: Wow, what an incredible origin story. And it's just so fantastic to hear that you had such an incredibly supportive family from the get-go. And it sounds like because you had such a strong foundation, I'm sure in some way that gave you some of the ability to be able to as an introvert. Holding your first conference in front of thousands of people, at 17, no less, that's not a small undertaking. How did you get I'm also an introvert. So everybody, I want you to understand, just because you're an introvert, that does not mean that you cannot get in front of people, speak your mind, make connections, and make a difference. You absolutely can. We just know that we might go about doing it in a different way from someone who is more extroverted than we are. So tell me about that part of it, recognizing being an introvert, I very much related to you talking about being in your bedroom reading books. That's kind of like, exactly how I was. I was a complete bookworm growing up. For a while, I was like the biggest Stephen King nut, but I wasn't reading motivational stuff. I was reading, like, horror novels for entertainment.

[17:11] Babs: I love those to you, by the way.

[17:12] Jen: Yeah. But there is something to be said about being an introvert. And we do find a sense of comfort in exploring and having that type of journey within our mind. That's our specific way of feeling like we're developing in a certain way. And it's energizing to be able to do that. So how did you get to that point at 17 where you're like, you know what, I'm getting beyond the books. I'm going to allow myself to get out of this room and I'm going to put together a hell of a conference and everybody's going to want to attend this. Take me through that particular part of your journey. What was that like?

[18:04] Babs: Well, firstly, I think it's important to boss this myth about being an introvert.

[18:13] Jen: Yes.

[18:14] Babs: I listened to Simon Sinnick recently in one of his videos where he talked about this specifically. And it's the fact I think I.

[18:24] Jen: Probably know the video you're about to talk about.

[18:26] Babs: Yeah. Where he really talked about introverts versus extroverts and how society assumes that when you're an introvert, then you're socially awkward.

[18:37] Jen: That's right.

[18:39] Babs: But in reality, that's not what it means to be an introvert. Yeah. So the social butterfly, the extroverted person, is not in any way better off than an introverted person. So the fact that you're introverted doesn't make you socially awkward. And if there's any introvert listening right now, I like you to take this away, that you're not different, you're not less, and you're not socially awkward. No, it's just a different way of recharging. It's a different way of experiencing energy. So when you're around people, that's not how you recharge. When you're alone, probably. That's how you recharge. That's simply what it is. It doesn't make you socially awkward. So for me, I really thank you for highlighting the fact that my parents played a significant role in my life. So when I was six, I had the opportunity of appearing on television. And so my father took that opportunity very seriously. So it was poetic. So I'll write out a poem and now recite the poem every Sunday. Every Saturday. It'll be recorded on Saturday at the television station and aired on Sunday. So that was my first exposure to the limelight. And so I'll do this every Sunday, even though it didn't quite have an audience, I had to face the camera and the lights at the TV station. But that was where I really started to build the courage, the courage to speak, the courage to face an audience and just say what's on my mind. And now when I get off that stage, I might just go back into my room for the rest of the day.

[20:38] Jen: Absolutely, yes.

[20:42] Babs: But whenever I needed to show up, I did. And it's the same mentality I have up until this day. So I can speak before a crowd of 5000 people and you might never know that I'm an introvert, but once I come off that stage I could just go totally back into my room.

[21:07] Jen: Go back into the cave and recharge.

[21:09] Babs: Yes, that's it. So I also had a community which is very helpful, it was a church community. My mom was very active in church and she'll bring me to church every Sunday, sometimes during the week, sometimes Saturdays I'm in church. That was very helpful also in building my confidence in giving me a platform to showcase some of the skills and talents that I had. And what I found to be interesting is during those days in church I had parents say to my parents they wish their kids would be like me and sometimes they would send their kids over to me and have them spend an hour with me on a Saturday. And so when I realized more parents were sending their kids over to me and I was what, probably 1214, I realized more parents on Saturdays kept sending their kids over to me to spend an hour with me, 2 hours with me. So that was when I got the idea that I could create an event or a conference that just brings everybody's kids together rather than having them send them in piecemeal to me every now and again. So that was where the idea of creating a conference that brings young adults, and teenagers together, that was where it came from. And yes, I had to step out of my shell to do something I never had never done before. I had to pull rich within me to pull the energy and the idea and the thoughts to ensure that I create an experience that people I like to say it's the experience of unforgettable kind that people would leave that conference and know that they have become better people or better versions of themselves. And I put my all into it. It was during the break time in school so I had a lot of time on my hands to organize and put all of that together and it was a huge success. But I guess the point is whenever I need to do something that requires me to face the crowd or step out of my shell, out of my comfort zone, I go out and do it. And then when I'm done, I return to my shell and my comfort zone. So there's always the ability to step out of that comfort zone, to step out of that shell and do something powerful and something impactful and then I come back to my shell and I recharge.

[23:48] Jen: That's amazing. And it sounds like you were able to at a very early age realize what your internal power was, what you were able to give to the world. And so many children, unfortunately, don't have that sense of community. They don't have that strong foundation whether it's the parents that are in the household or maybe it's a broken home or they don't live in an area where there is a strong sense of community. That was my experience growing up in a broken home where there was violence and drug abuse and alcoholism and I really didn't get a sense of community. And I think this is what underscores the power of community that you talked about. When I was in high school, really, I met one of my best friends in the world and I still have so much love for this woman. She and her family made such a huge impact on my life. Her father was the music minister at the local church and when she and I, became fast friends in high school and she invited me to church, the next thing I know, I am being completely embraced by everyone in that community. And I got so involved and I ended up being in the church orchestra and sang in the choir and handbells and then doing like summer trips before you know it. And I had never in my life experienced that strong of a sense of community. And that is what really helped me kind of learn that ability in myself to be able to reach out and make a similar kind of difference in the relationships that I was able to build and to be able to begin influencing others. So that strong sense of community and that strong foundation for children, I cannot emphasize that enough to parents who are listening, anyone who is considering becoming a parent. I think that really is such an important aspect of a child's development. So it's so incredibly wonderful to hear someone's story who has had that type of an experience and to see how it has helped you really create this amazing life where you are able to influence so many people. I think just kudos to your parents for doing that. Kudos to you for being, I think, smart enough and aware enough to be thankful and appreciative of that type of environment. Because there are some individuals, unfortunately, who do have that type of support system, but for some reason, they're not able to embrace that support system. So I think that's just so incredible. I love hearing that story from you. Amazing. Yeah.

[27:15] Babs: Thanks for sharing. And although we do have different experiences, it does seem as though we ultimately had a similar approach to very different experiences. We ultimately embraced the brighter side of our experiences and we allowed ourselves to continue to flourish in that side of our experience. When I was a kid, I did not think that my parents were doing the right thing. I thought my dad specifically, I remember actually walking up to my mom and asking my mom, are you really sure this is my dad?

[28:00] Jen: Why is he on my case all the time?

[28:02] Babs: Why does he hate me so much?

[28:05] Jen: Oh no. Why am I not good enough? There is some of that as well. I think it is important for us to underscore that there is that side of it as well, right? I mean, I think there are parents out there who think they are being supportive and that they are setting that foundation. But in some ways, having that type of demand on a child can be overwhelming. And I'm sure for you, you had some struggles with that. I'm sure that was a part of your journey as well, wanting to make sure that your father sees you in a certain way. You wanted him to see you as successful. You wanted him to see you as thriving in whatever path it was that you were choosing for yourself. Tell me about that part of it. Did you ever have any dark moments or with that particular struggle in yourself feeling like, am I ever going to get to that place where I feel like I'm being accepted? I feel like this is good enough.

[29:14] Babs: Yeah, I mean, let's face it, there really isn't one parenting style that's 100% perfect. So for kids, what we need to do is find the positives, embrace them, and maybe just let go of the not-so-great. So here's an example. I come home, a math test or exam and I have a 99%. My dad says, well, someone had 99.2%. I go, what? We all had a he goes, no. He goes, Someone else had 99.5%. So there was this girl in my class who I could never beat her in mind. I tried so hard. She's always, 0.2% more, .3% more. It's 99.7. I tried so hard. And so as a kid, I didn't like her. I disliked her so much because she was the reason my parents would always.

[30:34] Jen: It's you, it's your fault. Why are you so smart? Damn it.

[30:39] Babs: I didn't like her at all. So there is an extreme to his approach where you begin to push the kids to seek perfection without realizing that to expect a perfect life out of a messy world is a bit of a stretch.

[30:58] Jen: Yes.

[30:59] Babs: So perfection is an illusion. And I understand that they want you to be the best you can possibly be. But the best you can possibly be sometimes might just be what you have, what you are in that moment. But so I had this weight upon my shoulder where every day I step out the door. I knew I had to perform at the very best. I knew I had to do well in school. I knew I had to be a great child, a responsible kid in society. I knew I had to just represent my family. And that was a huge weight on my shoulder. And so I left thinking at some point in my life, I was just so scared because I just could not afford to do anything wrong. I couldn't afford to miss it. I couldn't afford to drop the ball in church. There are so many kids whose parents are looking up to me at home. My younger brothers are looking up to me in school. Well, I've set a standard I can't afford to drop. And so it was just overwhelming times. I stayed in my bedroom, on my bed, and I would just cry and just wish that this was not the case for me. But one thing that also helped me is although my dad was so tough, my mom was so tough. They brought us together on Sunday nights at the dinner table and shared how much they loved us. Dad balanced it for him. He could have gone through Monday, through Saturday, just bashing me and challenging me, pushing me and telling me and go harder. But Sundays, when we come to the dinner table, it's totally different. It's all about how well you're doing. It's how much love they have for you. It's how impressed they are about what you're doing. It's telling you how not so many kids could do what you do and that inspires you. So it's a perfect blend of showing love, but then being extremely tough on the kids and then balancing both of them at every point in life. So I often say that, well, you know, when they talk about love languages and they go, well, words of affirmation, I say to myself, Well, I don't need any more words of affirmation. To be honest, I was raised with a healthy dose of confidence, and so that's not what I need now because my parents instilled a lot of confidence in me that I can do it. It balanced the toughness out with all that love.

[33:45] Jen: Parents who are listening, I want you to take away something very powerful that Babbs just shared with us. Communication, the conversations that we have with our kids at the dinner table. What a powerful way to be able to express your support, your admiration, and your love for your children. This is going to be a heartbreaking thing that I reveal to you. Babs I volunteered at a high school for some time here in Savannah, Georgia, and I would go in and talk to the kids about leadership traits and qualities and communication skills and all of those things. And one time I asked this group of kids, how many of you have dinner at the dinner table with your family just so you can have time to have conversations, like, just what you were talking about? And out of, we'll say, like 100 kids, like, maybe two would raise their hands. And at that moment, I felt so awful for these kids because they are missing out. What you experienced at that dinner table has made such an incredible difference in your life. You talked about confidence. That helped instill that confidence. The power of those dinner-time conversations at the table as a family cannot be underestimated. So I'm so glad that you brought that part of your story up because I think it's key, it's critical, and I think it's something that is. Also being lost in a lot of families today. We have so many distractions with social media, and a lot of families stay just uber busy with anything and everything. Let's sign the kids up for everything under the sun. And there's no time for that conversation to happen. So I think that's the power of having those Sunday conversations with your parents.

[35:54] Babs: That's right. Actually, in my book, Cracking the Life Code, after discussing everything about cracking the life code, I made it a point to ensure that I wrapped that book up by saying that after you have cracked the life code after you have built the behaviors and the habits and the mindset that's required for personal success, you have one responsibility. And that responsibility is to transfer all that you have learned to the next generation. And I suggested in my book that the way to do that is to have conversations around the dinner table. That's the point where you share all the values, behaviors, and habits that helped you succeed. You share those with the next generation. The next generation might be your immediate kids. That could be your grandkids. But it's important to preserve the dinner table as a place where you transfer these positive, new, inspiring, and empowering codes to the next generation and being able.

[37:04] Jen: To have those conversations about no matter what, we're going to fall, we're going to fail. We're going to have difficult experiences in our life. So even when we think we've got it figured out, something's going to come out of nowhere and it's going to just throw you a curveball. But if you have that strong foundation you've been able to build, you can better handle those types of challenges that come your way. What type of advice do you give to people who ask you about you seems like you have it all together and life seems like so perfect and you've just kind of solved you have cracked the code, right? You've cracked the code. What do you say to them about, hey, don't get the wrong idea? I mean, yeah, things are great and they can be great. It's all about attitude and positivity, but that doesn't mean that bad things are not going to happen. What do you say to them about that?

[38:09] Babs: Well, yeah, I hear a lot of people say to me, do you ever have a bad day?

[38:19] Jen: And you're like, well, I am human.

[38:22] Babs: The truth is I probably have more bad days than the average person. That's actually my reality. I have probably more bad days than the average individual because it never gets easier as you go higher, it just becomes a lot more difficult. Maybe the types of challenges that you encounter are different but that doesn't mean that you ever come to a point in life where everything is all figured out. I wish I could get there where everything is all figured out. But the truth is, we're constantly trying to figure this thing called life out. We're constantly working hard to ensure that we figure this out. For me, I have determined that all I need is to focus on three things and I'll be fine. It's habits, it's mindsets, and behaviors. So my behaviors, my habits, and my mindset can determine whether or not I continue to move forward, regardless of the obstacles. So there are days when I wake up and it's really a bad day. Here's what I have decided to do in those days. I decided to shut my mind because I have worked so hard to build a really positive mind. And so I would not let an external factor affect my mind. So when negativity, which might come from work, might come from family, might come from friends, could come from anybody, neighbors. When negativity is coming, I smell it from a mile away, and I shut my mind and bounce it back. I do not let it penetrate my mind. What's external? I don't have control over what's external, but what's internal is mind control. And so I build a wall around my mind to deflect negativity. And so when I wake up in the morning, I'm trying to surround myself with positive energy, positivity. I read stuff that inspires me. I expose my mind to the positive stuff. And so regardless of what's going on in my day in the outer wall that's bigger than me, I just make sure what I can control, which is within me, I keep it intact. And I listened to someone say it is very beautiful. And the person said you could be on the boat, on the water. And if water does not get into the boat, you will most likely not sink. As long as you do not let water into the boat, you would not sink. You would continue to power through, in other words, the external environment, the noise, and the negativity that exists around us in society. If we do not allow those to penetrate our hearts and penetrate our minds such that it weakens the level of positivity within us, then we would continue to move forward. So I like to say there's power within you to deflect all that comes to you on the outside. So, yes, I do have bad days, but I recognize that my response to a bad day is more important than the bad day itself. So it's all about the attitude, how I perceive the bad day again, about my mindset, about a bad day. It's one day out of 365. I will get past this day. And frankly, I may not have all the energy in me to do the things that I really want to do on that one day. But they will be tomorrow, right? Yes, be another day. So today could be a bad day. I'll embrace it. If it's a failure, I'll take on the failure. I'll embrace it. I'll take the lessons from the failure. And then tomorrow is a new day tomorrow.

[42:28] Jen: That's right. I love that tomorrow is always a new day. I love the boat analogy because things will happen and something can strike that boat, and it may cause a teeny crack in the boat. But we got to identify, right? We got to look for it, identify, oh, this is where the water is coming in. And then we got to figure it away. How are we going to patch this up to fix it? So I love that analogy. I'm going through talk about having bad days, and I've had people ask me as well, like, how are you doing? How are you getting through this? It seems like you're doing fantastic. And truth be told, I'm having some really hard days. I'm still having some really hard days after 27 years of being together. My husband and I are getting divorced, just waiting on the judge to sign the papers. It has not been easy. It's not something that I saw coming. It's not something that I wanted. And so there's a lot of internal struggle going there. There are a lot of days where you just want to kind of lay in the bed all day. You just want to feel sorry for yourself. You go through the motions of being angry, and then you feel sorry for yourself, and then you get mad, and then you get sad, and then you find hope because you can see, well, there is another tomorrow, right? There is always a tomorrow, but you can go through all those emotions in a span of, like, a minute, right? You can experience all of that. So it's not that we don't have bad days and we don't have bad moments. One of the things that I've learned to do is give myself permission to have a temper tantrum for like, 20 minutes. If I can feel like I've got this just this irritation, this frustration, this anger, this kind of building up, and I don't know what to do with it. I'm like, okay, let it out. Give yourself a good 20 minutes. Do what you got to do. Just let it out. But then once that time is over, all right, hit the reset button. Let's sit, and let's think about how we're going to respond to this situation. And I really do appreciate that you said that actively seeking out things that bring you joy, brings you positivity. It doesn't mean that you're not experiencing anything bad. It just means that you're learning to balance or at least try to offset that with things that bring you joy. So whether it's something you read or write or something that you're watching, looking at a beautiful piece of art, whatever it is, you have to actively seek that out. You have to make a choice. You do. I said a few days ago to a close friend, I said, I don't want to be a bitter person. I don't want to be an angry person. Even though I do have moments where I am bitter, where I am angry, I don't want to be that way. So you seek out things to try to help you transcend that negative type of emotion. But the work cannot be overemphasized enough. It is work. It is to have to get to that place and to try to maintain that.

[45:43] Babs: That's right. The beautiful thing is, thank goodness we don't look like what we've been through, right? Yeah. It's a great thing. We don't look like what we've been through. I like to say in encouragement and thanks for sharing that vulnerable moment. And I'm sure a lot of listeners can identify or perhaps just see themselves in these stories and understand that we are all humans and everyone's going through something or another. And we are just here to encourage each other and strengthen each other and find the inspiration to keep going regardless of what we're going through. I often encourage my clients and friends that listen, what's coming is often bigger and better than what's gone. And so when we focus on what's coming, we gain a better perspective. It's always not easy when we go through really tough moments. I'm still dealing with the loss of my mom, giving everything I just said about the wonderful person that my mom was. So finding that Mom is not even here to help launch my book, devastated me significantly. And I've tried really hard to walk through those really dark moments and see where there is some positivity and just lay hold on the hope and the positivity and understanding that this moment will pass and there will be a lot brighter days ahead.

[47:44] Jen: Yeah. I love that you said that what's coming is bigger and greater than what has passed. And I'm sure yeah, it sounds like your mother was an incredible mom. And not just an incredible mom, but an incredible woman. My father passed away about 23 years ago in 2000. And even though growing up it was very difficult with all of the things that I mentioned earlier as an adult, when I became an adult, he had managed to get a lot of his life together again. And so we found each other again and we became best friends. And so to have someone who is on your side, in your court, they're just boosting you up and supporting you and kind of like your own cheerleader in a way, to have that sense of support, not be there in your most important moments, like whether it's a book that's being released, that's a big deal. To publish a book or any other of life's biggest occasions, we always feel that hole that's there. And so my heart goes out to you because I know that is a huge hole right there in your life. And we're not the only ones. I'm sure there are plenty of people who are listening to this and who have had a similar experience. Do you find yourself doing similar things when you feel yourself missing your mom? Like I find myself missing my dad on certain days, do you just actively seek out ways to commemorate her memory, or do you allow yourself a moment to just kind of feel the feels? How do you handle those moments? Because I know it's different for everybody.

[49:48] Babs: Yeah. Dealing with grief is not fun at all. And six months in, you feel like, oh yeah, I'm in a better place now.

[49:56] Jen: And then suddenly, right, it'll be random.

[50:02] Babs: One day, it just knocks you down again. Dealing with Griffith is not exactly fun. What my brothers and I have decided to do is every once in a while on our group chat, we would just find some beautiful memories of some fun experiences we had with Mom, and someone will drop it in the group chat and we would laugh and just smile. And sometimes they will just drop something in there that reminds us of those beautiful experiences we had with Mom. I think she's probably the most powerful woman I've ever known, my mom. Soft-spoken, very quiet, calm. But in her calmness, in her really quiet nature was power. She was more powerful in her silence than she was even when she spoke. So we would remember these beautiful times and experiences every once in a while, and we would encourage each other to say, well, she's with us. She's probably just not here physically, but she's definitely with us in the spirit. And that sometimes can be encouraging.

[51:15] Jen: Oh, yeah, absolutely. I see a theme. I'm hearing a theme. And that no matter when that darkness is creeping in, no matter if it's we're grieving over the loss of a loved one or we're feeling that self-doubt, we're just having a bad day. For whatever the millions of reasons that exist that we can have a bad day, there's just something not going right in our lives. To be able to actively seek out a way to bring in that positivity, it's not just going to happen on its own. I love that you and your brothers will find, whether I'm sure, whether it's a picture or just reminiscing a story that will bring a smile to your face and make you laugh, to bring in a happy memory. That's such a powerful tool to use, and it makes sense, but I think we just need to be reminded that we do have that power in ourselves to actively seek out those moments that are going to bring a smile to our faces. And it is difficult, it's very difficult to happen. But if we can share those moments with others as you do with your brothers, I think that's a testament to how it works. It really does work. Babbs, I got to tell you, I think we could have a conversation for another hour because I love your story, and I love your vibe. I think you just bring such amazing energy. And even though we're like in an online room, if you will, the online studio, I can feel your energy from where you are. Are you located in New York? Yes, I'm down here in Savannah, Georgia. So even though we are hundreds and hundreds of miles away, just being able to see your smile and just to hear the power, you talked about your mom being that quiet yet firm, kind of confident way, I think that's probably something you got from your mom because I can feel that calmness in you. I'm sure you're probably the person that everybody feels that they can come to talk to about a lot of different things that are going on in their life. Is that true?

[53:25] Babs: I have no doubt you are very intuitive. Definitely, you are. And you're spot on that people often say, personality-wise, I take after my mom 100%.

[53:42] Jen: Yeah, absolutely. That's wonderful. That's wonderful. And I'm sure those who are closest to you really feel that energy as well, and they appreciate that. Before we begin to wrap up this conversation, I knew we were going to have a fantastic conversation from the beginning. I'm going to have to have you come back so that we can continue having we'll just talk about all kinds of other things. Is there anything that you wanted the audience to know? We're going to get to how they contact you, but is there a question that you wish I had asked so that there's a message that you can send to the audience before we wrap things up?

[54:23] Babs: Well, thank you for the opportunity, but frankly, I don't exactly believe that we need a ton of messages. I think in this conversation, for me personally, I have taken away a lot just from this conversation, and I think the listeners have a lot also to think about in this conversation. One thing I would probably just like to leave the listeners with is we often need to remind ourselves that when dead leaves are dead, it's okay to let them fall off the trees. See, a lot of times we carry this baggage from the past. So many things that do not exactly serve us today. Sometimes they're just sentimental. We're just sentimentally attached to certain things, but in truth, they don't serve us anymore. Those are like dead leaves could be dead relationships could be dead partnerships could be it's okay to let dead leaves fall. Here's what happens. Personally, fall is my favorite time of year. In the fall, you see these beautiful colors. The trees turn beautiful shades of orange, and yellow, and it's just so I just love the fall season. But what happens is right after that phase, those same leaves begin to die. And when they die, here's what happens. The tree lets them fall off. So they fall off the trees. And what the trees do is they conserve their energy for the next spring. So when we let dead leaves fall off of their own accord. What ultimately happens is we conserve our energy for our next blossoming, for our next flourishing. So as many people as are listening in today, I hope that we would spend some time with ourselves over the next hour, day, or week, and just think and reflect over some of these dead leaves that really just weigh on our shoulders and just let them go so we can reserve and conserve our energy for the next phase of flourishing.

[56:58] Jen: That was beautiful. That was so beautiful. Thank you so much. Thank you for sharing that. How do we find you?

[57:07] Babs: Crackinthelifecode.com is our website. We're always happy to receive an email from everybody at help at cracking thelifecode.com I'm active on social media. It's Babs Faseesin on social media and my book is available on Amazon and everywhere books are sold. It's cracking the live code.

[57:29] Jen: Again, thank you so much, Babs. This was such a fantastic conversation, you all. As I said at the beginning, this is the first episode of season three. I wanted to bring someone special on board to be able to have just a meaningful conversation. As Babs said just a moment ago, I think there are a lot of fantastic messages that we were able to bring forward during this conversation. So let it marinade for a little while, think about it, and figure out if one of these messages or all of the messages is something that maybe you need, hopefully, to bring you forward into the next day. Thanks for listening. If you enjoyed this episode and you'd like to help support the podcast, please share it with others, post about it on social media, or leave a rating and a review.